Baseball Happiness

It was a sunny Thursday and it was a perfect day for a baseball game. Every time the clouds moved and the sun could shine through, then I could finally feel the warmth that I have been craving. Once the clouds moved and the sun hid, then my arms filled up with goosebumps. At the games, I saw my friends whom I haven't seen in so long; the ones that have grown up from high school and finally ready to be my friend again. Barry is a big sports man; he loves everything about baseball and honestly, baseball is apart of him. So I decided I'd tag along to the games. Once we get in public, he's kind of silent, more into watching the game than anything. But this time, he never forgot that I was sitting right next to him. He would look at me and smile, talk to me about random things going on. Those simple things put a smile on my freckled face. We arrived at 12:30 and stayed until 10 p.m. My skin that was revealed to the sun burned and had a tingly feeling. My eyes randomly closed from the tiredness I felt. My ass was now the shape of the chairs/bleachers that we were sitting on. By the last game, Fergus Falls and Orono, it began getting colder out. I already had a blanket around me as I watched, but I glanced over to spot Barry's arms curled up beside his body; I knew he was cold. Since he's a baseball lover, I knew he'd suffer through the cold to stay. So I unwrapped the blanket from around me and cuddled in. On the outside, I was completely normal, but on the inside, I was the happiest girl in the world. I am completely proud of him, so cuddling in and placing my head on his shoulder as we held hands underneath the blanket, I felt so secure and so safe. I felt so proud. Later, we then left the game and held hands, while we laughed all the way to the car.

My First "Blog"

The first blog is probably the toughest, at least it seems like it, since my mind is blank and my heart is not in sync with my soul. My heart is beating to a different beat compared to the drum of my mind. But I will try to put my thoughts and feelings together and form a so called "blog". I sit here pondering about the situation I created yesterday, with my poodle, Tommy laying by my right side. Every time my brown eyes blink, a droplet forms in the corner and comes together making a tear. My heart breaks a little more each time, as I insult you with my insecurities, but yet my mind can't stop my mouth from spilling out. Why can I not stop? How can I continue making you feel so low, when I love you so much? "It's me, not you." is what I need to keep saying to myself; so I do not blame this on my boyfriend over and over again. Pretty soon he will walk away if I continue, pretty soon he'll realize that maybe he can find someone better, someone prettier, someone more confident in themselves. I need to change somehow, I do not want to lose him since he's the best guy I have ever found. He heard me crying on the phone last night, and I hung up bawling. I sent him text after text screaming out my emotions, screaming at him. I made it more complicated than it had to be, but that seems to be my way of letting everything out. I get home from a long drive to St. Cloud and spending money just to feel okay again, and I get a call saying, "I'm here." I open the door to my beautiful boyfriend Barry. His dark hair reflecting the light from above on the house, a black zip up zipped up all the way except for an inch, his nicest jeans on and a single rose in his hand. He looks at me with a smile, but with total fear in his wide eyes. A smile forms on the edges of my lips and slides across my face. He lies the movies on the table and a scratch off beside them. I kiss him and say, "Thank You..."