Hello Again Stranger.

I haven't written in awhile, been a little too busy to focus. It's 10:41 p.m. in the cold state of grand ole' Minnesota. I am sitting here in this big empty apartment, so quiet that I can hear the clock tick by. Lights are reflecting off the wooden floors. Music has been the only thing to really make me happy lately. I stay up until 3 a.m. searching for that song to make me happy, I find many, but I just keep searching and searching until my voice hurts from singing and my eyes close. I am a little lonely you could say, living alone, and music is my one friend who is always here, willing to talk about my feelings with me. Barry is still in my life, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Seems to be what a relationship is all about, but I want a relationship that is spontaneous, funny, fun, romantic, and just a plain crazy good time, except the main thing is, I want that with Barry. How do you find a happy medium? Random. Totally different subject. I want John Mayer tickets. I have been wanting to go to the concert since I heard about the tour. Today was the last day I could win them on Cities97 and I ended up not getting through. I don't know if I am just over emotional lately because of the stress or if I really wanted to go, but when I didn't get through, I laid my head down and bawled. I've got til March 2nd, to find a ticket. That's coming up quick. I have something that I know. Something that only a few people know. Something that brings up so much anger in me and I could easily quit, but I can't. I find lies, I find surprising stories, and the past...none of which I should even know. It all hurts me so bad to read the things I find, but yet, I can't even talk about it with the one I am angry at because the person doesn't know I know. Maybe that is where my stress is coming from. I am one big ball of stress. Stress. Stress. Stress.