Time Travel.

I wish I could time travel. I would only use it twice, past & future. I would rewind to watch the Beatles perform, as the girls screamed and fainted. My heart would be beating fast and out of my chest as I sang along to every song. The smile on my face wouldn't be able to be smeared off. Paul McCartney was supposed to play at Target Field this fall, but schedule issues caused it to be cancelled. Seeing him would make me very happy, but it wouldn't be great enough to have it crossed off my list of "to dos" My other time travel would be to the future. I have so much on my mind right now, so much wonder and decisions. I want to travel into the future (10 years) and see where I am in life. I want to know what job I have, who I am married to, how my children are, where my family members are at in their lives, etc. The future is scary, yet exciting. When a time travel machine comes out, I will be first in line.

Love People For Who They Are.

There are too many closed minded people in society and there always will be. I personally have a problem with that. I have a serious problem with people who are filled with racism, homophobia, pushing religion down somebody's throat, etc. Everybody is equal. People make mistakes or have mental issues which set asides criminals from society. But the color of somebody's skin should not cause them to be treated differently. Loving somebody of the same sex should not cause them to be treated differently. Believing in or not believing in a religion/God should not cause them to be treated differently. Everybody judges somebody at some point in their life, so I cannot say to "Quit Judging" because it's in our nature/genes. Think back about hearing about the KKK and how now we as a society think that that is so wrong. Even though it was in the past, it still exists but just not as much. Right now, in the 21st century, our "problem" is gays. Gay people are normal people who only differ in who they are attracted to. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. In the future, we will think back about this "problem" and it will hardly be a problem. Gay is going through the same route as racism did. I have been watching the Real World San Diego and it bothers me how close minded a couple of the people are. LOVE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE!

Friends Vs Man

My friends talk me through any decisions. They're always there to listen to my problems. I have met no guy that could possibly love me as much as they do. I have met no guy that talks and listens to me like they do. When I find a guy who fits my friends, listens and talks to me, and loves me like them, that is the guy I am going to marry. If I don't find him, at least I'll have them.

Can People Change?

People change. I don't know. I feel as though I have changed since I was in high school. I no longer judge, bully, or talk badly about people. Sometimes my old tendencies arise, but now I realize it and force myself to quit immediately. Have I changed or have I become aware of my bad behaviors? I am still trying to figure myself and my life out. I teeter totter on decisions like I am on some sickening ride. When you look at me walking, I am confident and carry myself with pride. If you were in my mind, you would meet a different character. I am always trying to make the right choices, which causes me to over think - even the simplest of things. Where to go to eat? That one question is thought as life or death in my mind. I don't know why I do this. Is it my confidence in myself, or just another bad habit that I have to become aware of and act upon? Like I said, I am still trying to figure myself out. Whenever I believe that my life is going to be simply wonderful, it shows me its complications.

Lets Talk.

The words were supposed to fall into place and mesh together perfectly. He was supposed to listen and understand where I was coming from. He was supposed to tell me his feelings, tell me his thoughts as I smiled at him. We were supposed to continue talking, but on a happier note. This was supposed to be a changing point. Tonight was supposed to be a good night. But instead, I just laid there, unable to say a word. Holding on and never wanting to let go.

Two Paths.

Lately, I have been having a hard time living in reality. I have split my life into reality and fairy tale to find happiness. I have been staying busy with school, work, and stressful thoughts. Struggling to find time to see my friends and my family. Struggling to find myself. Happiness has been hard to find. When I find happiness, I call it a fairy tale, because it's hard to believe that I can be that happy at that certain time. Do I step into my fairy tale and try to find everlasting happiness with a significantly large amount of potential of getting hurt deeper than I ever have? Or do I stick with reality and keep living life the same way I have been for years now? I say years, because my happiness never fully stays. It goes up and down like a roller coaster and it makes me sick to my stomach. I stress myself out so bad that it's hard to get up in the morning and motivate myself. In my fairy tale, I feel confident, extremely happy and like nobody can stop me. I feel like I can concur the world and fulfill all of my dreams. But if I risk myself by entering and things go bad, reality is going to set in deeper and the hurt may be unbearable. I try to live by my motto of "Everything Happens For A Reason" so maybe I just go with the happiness and hope I can still believe in my motto.

Needs.

I need a job. I need confidence. I need motivation. I need courage. I need answers. I need to realize how to listen to my heart. I need to realize how to listen to my mind. I need to figure out my next step. I need to focus on college. I need to decide which way I'm heading; Criminal Justice or Law Enforcement? I need money. I need to live a less stressful life. I need to not worry. I need to not overreact. I need to learn how to not over think. I need to keep my feelings out of it. I need a sign. I need sleep. Good night.

Who's There? My Heart or My Mind?

The name of my blog is "Randie's Heart Speaks..." It's quite ironic, because lately I have been questioning myself on my actions and thoughts. My mind twists in every direction and when I ask others for their opinions, they just say, "Follow Your Heart" I know my decisions and my ultimatums, but I cannot tell if what I hear is my heart or my mind. Most people can tell the difference, but I'm so caught up in my decisions, that I just feel lost. I feel as though I am evolving as a person. I am so used to being so "mature" and way past my age, but now I feel like I want to live as though I am 21 years old; my real age. I don't know if it's a phase or where my mindset is at. I have another big decision too, that I am back and forth on. Maybe that decision is playing a role in just "giving up" (in a way) and just living like a 21 year old. I want to go out, have fun, meet new people and have no regrets. I want to live like that one sentence, but I feel as though if I run away from my current life and become that person I'm wanting to be, then that will be my regret. All of it will turn into my regret. I wish somebody, someday, somehow could just give me a sign of which way to turn. I'm ready for a new journey in my life, just not sure where to go.

Sick.

I am going on my eighth day of being sick. I have a cold, a cough and weakness. I gave it to Barry, so he is down. Right now, he is sound asleep on the couch, sniffling every once and awhile. I looked at him a few minutes ago and his watery eyes are now crusted, and now he is going to bed. He's stumbling around and his voice is monotone. Poor guy. My dad has been sick for about a week and a half or two weeks. I guess it's just going around. I just hope we get better soon, before it turns into something worse like strep throat. :( I wouldn't mind strep and it's medicine, but going through the throat culture is thee worst.
I am going to follow Barry and go to bed also. I had a late night last night. I went on a Police Ride-Along, loved every minute of it. I would have loved it even more, if I could have breathed, so I ended up going home early. Good night world, have a happy typing and a merry night.

Feb. 11th, 2011

Temperatures in Bloomington have finally rose to 30 degrees. There are many birthdays today. It is my beautiful, older sister's birthday today (RIKIE). It is the love of my life and best friend's birthday (BARRY). It is an incredible man who I love to play board games with birthday (BRANDON). Brandon and Barry are twins. They claim they are not identical, but I have mixed them up a few times. They are not identical, they only look exactly the same. Sadly, Barry has to work 3-12 on his birthday. Sadly, Brandon is sick with the stomach flu. Happily, I am babysitting my nephew tonight so Rikie can go out on her birthday to celebrate. Sadly, I am sick. Happily, I am losing my voice. You may say, "Wait, what?" I am odd, and I really enjoy losing my voice. I love the way it sounds and the way it feels. I tend to talk more when I am losing my voice, so it can last longer and so I can giggle at myself. Today, I had to give a public speech in my class. I was excited for my voice, but I am pretty petrified of talking in public. Win lose situation.
Survivor airs Feb. 16th at 7 on CBS. I am very anxious for that moment, as you can tell from my previous blogs, I really like that show. Teen Mom 2 is still hanging me in there, crying every episode. I have just recently got hooked on Hawaii 5-0. Talk about a good show! American Idol is still just as good with the new judges compared to the old judges. I never realized how much of a hunk Steven Tyler is, wow-ee. Usually I am not a fan of the infamous Jersey Shore on MTV, but I am hooked on this season. I am over the Ronnie/Sammi fighting, breaking up and making up. Everyone sees and realizes that it's an unhealthy relationship. They need to stop having domestic violence, abusive relationship and focus on trying to have a healthy relationship with somebody else. And Pauly D. I am head over heels for Pauly D, preferably when he's in a hat. And Snooki, she is just way too fun. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't dance or party. Some may call me "boring", I just call myself Randie, but Snooki would be so much fun to hang out with. For example, her sliding down the stairs with a mattress, playing with dogs, going on rides at the Jersey Shore Fair, playing kickball. Her facial expressions and sounds are just fun and hilarious.
Television is kind of my life, other than my real life situation. I have been reading a book for class, Police and Community. The book is called CopBook, it's written by a Bloomington Police Officer. GREAT BOOK! Please do read it, it'll reach in your soul and pull you into the book's events.
I am going to pick up my nephew, have a wonderful day and make sure to wish the ones you love a Happy Birthday today! :)

Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

Yes, I have Christmas music stuck in my head. Been singing Christmas music for a couple weeks now. I guess I am a late bloomer. Christmas is done and over with, and I finally get in the spirit.
Another week of school, just finishing up my homework right now. It's about ten minutes to 11 and getting pretty tired. Taking a class that's called "Psychology of Death & Dying" which is very interesting. There's only been a couple classes of it, so I am still trying to figure some facts out. I'll update you, when I learn something factual.
Television. American Idol started tonight. I'll be honest, I started watching it, paused it, and decided to finish homework first. I was skeptical about the new judges, still am, but I am giving them a try. I enjoyed how Simon was honest with the contestants, not because it was funny. Sometimes it was funny, but more because the only way you can learn is by getting honest opinions. If you are told, it was good all the time, you'll never grow as a person, or in this case, an artist.
Television. Teen Mom 2, week 2, I believe. Now that is a good show. I cry every time I watch it. Leah and Corey have the twin baby girls, absolutely adorable. Leah & Corey, by far, the two best parents on this season. I am worried about their one daughter Ali. She's been having problems with her legs and nerves, so the next show, she's going to get an MRI done on her spine to figure out what is wrong. Leah is worried that she'll never walk. That is devastating for a parent to hear, especially for twins and for a teen mom. It's a lot to handle. I give her all my prayers, she and Corey are a blessing.
Bella, my new kitty from the Humane Society is doing wonderful. She is VERY playful. Daily Routine : Sleep, Eat, Bathroom Break and Play. WHAT A GREAT LIFE! I am completely jealous of my cat. Barry made her a cat tree. She loves it, she's sleeping in it right now. Her favorite toy is a string. She'll bring it to us, drop it at our feet and meow until we play with her. She's not much of a cuddler anymore. I guess my baby is growing up. :(
Hope all is merry in the world of the web, talk to you soon.

I Am a Stranger.

Stranger that I am because I forgot my password and could not sign in to my own blog. Lovely. Well, I haven't been on in 8 months due to that fact and it's time for me to start my regular blogging once again. Television shows are finally back on. I tell you, that is the one thing that keeps me sane ... TELEVISION. It's a life you can get caught up in, cry and laugh, but yet you can flip to it on your free time. I watched Survivor, my favorite. I have been disappointed the last few seasons because the people who deserve to win, haven't won. Russell Hantz deserved to win both times!

Okay, now that that is off my chest, on to the next subject. I just adopted a cat. Her name is Bella. She is a brown tabby. My boyfriend and I adopted her at Burnsville Humane Society in Burnsville Minnesota, because they were closing. I had THEE toughest time choosing. I am an animal lover, so I was bawling the whole time. If I could adopt them all, all the animals, I would. So if you want a pet, ADOPT! ADOPT! ADOPT! Bella is very verbal and a huge cuddler. Overall, she is a wonderful little girl.

I just started back up in school. Going for Criminal Justice, if you didn't know that already. My dream job is to become a Police Officer. New exciting task every day, how great is that?! Great! I don't think I am big enough and pushy enough to show that I have control. 110 pounds at most, 5'4, with a big smile on the face. Will that shove a criminal down and intimidate him? I don't think so. I admire the police officers, especially in Bloomington. I took a course there this past September-November and met very great people, most of whom were cops. Been on a couple ride-alongs, learned a ton of great facts, and got to use guns, batons, and handcuffs. It was overall a great experience, loved every minute. If you ever have a chance, spend some quality time with an officer and you'll greatly appreciate what they do.

That is all for now. I am trying to figure out if I should drop a course that I have, so I am a bit stressed out. I am taking 5 classes, which is heavy duty for me. This one teacher expects me to read 6 novels, 3/4 of the textbook, write over 15 long papers and do volunteer? I would love to volunteer and complete this class, but whoa, that is one hell of a list of things to do. Hope all is well. Take care!