Time Travel.

I wish I could time travel. I would only use it twice, past & future. I would rewind to watch the Beatles perform, as the girls screamed and fainted. My heart would be beating fast and out of my chest as I sang along to every song. The smile on my face wouldn't be able to be smeared off. Paul McCartney was supposed to play at Target Field this fall, but schedule issues caused it to be cancelled. Seeing him would make me very happy, but it wouldn't be great enough to have it crossed off my list of "to dos" My other time travel would be to the future. I have so much on my mind right now, so much wonder and decisions. I want to travel into the future (10 years) and see where I am in life. I want to know what job I have, who I am married to, how my children are, where my family members are at in their lives, etc. The future is scary, yet exciting. When a time travel machine comes out, I will be first in line.

Love People For Who They Are.

There are too many closed minded people in society and there always will be. I personally have a problem with that. I have a serious problem with people who are filled with racism, homophobia, pushing religion down somebody's throat, etc. Everybody is equal. People make mistakes or have mental issues which set asides criminals from society. But the color of somebody's skin should not cause them to be treated differently. Loving somebody of the same sex should not cause them to be treated differently. Believing in or not believing in a religion/God should not cause them to be treated differently. Everybody judges somebody at some point in their life, so I cannot say to "Quit Judging" because it's in our nature/genes. Think back about hearing about the KKK and how now we as a society think that that is so wrong. Even though it was in the past, it still exists but just not as much. Right now, in the 21st century, our "problem" is gays. Gay people are normal people who only differ in who they are attracted to. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. In the future, we will think back about this "problem" and it will hardly be a problem. Gay is going through the same route as racism did. I have been watching the Real World San Diego and it bothers me how close minded a couple of the people are. LOVE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE!

Friends Vs Man

My friends talk me through any decisions. They're always there to listen to my problems. I have met no guy that could possibly love me as much as they do. I have met no guy that talks and listens to me like they do. When I find a guy who fits my friends, listens and talks to me, and loves me like them, that is the guy I am going to marry. If I don't find him, at least I'll have them.

Can People Change?

People change. I don't know. I feel as though I have changed since I was in high school. I no longer judge, bully, or talk badly about people. Sometimes my old tendencies arise, but now I realize it and force myself to quit immediately. Have I changed or have I become aware of my bad behaviors? I am still trying to figure myself and my life out. I teeter totter on decisions like I am on some sickening ride. When you look at me walking, I am confident and carry myself with pride. If you were in my mind, you would meet a different character. I am always trying to make the right choices, which causes me to over think - even the simplest of things. Where to go to eat? That one question is thought as life or death in my mind. I don't know why I do this. Is it my confidence in myself, or just another bad habit that I have to become aware of and act upon? Like I said, I am still trying to figure myself out. Whenever I believe that my life is going to be simply wonderful, it shows me its complications.

Lets Talk.

The words were supposed to fall into place and mesh together perfectly. He was supposed to listen and understand where I was coming from. He was supposed to tell me his feelings, tell me his thoughts as I smiled at him. We were supposed to continue talking, but on a happier note. This was supposed to be a changing point. Tonight was supposed to be a good night. But instead, I just laid there, unable to say a word. Holding on and never wanting to let go.

Two Paths.

Lately, I have been having a hard time living in reality. I have split my life into reality and fairy tale to find happiness. I have been staying busy with school, work, and stressful thoughts. Struggling to find time to see my friends and my family. Struggling to find myself. Happiness has been hard to find. When I find happiness, I call it a fairy tale, because it's hard to believe that I can be that happy at that certain time. Do I step into my fairy tale and try to find everlasting happiness with a significantly large amount of potential of getting hurt deeper than I ever have? Or do I stick with reality and keep living life the same way I have been for years now? I say years, because my happiness never fully stays. It goes up and down like a roller coaster and it makes me sick to my stomach. I stress myself out so bad that it's hard to get up in the morning and motivate myself. In my fairy tale, I feel confident, extremely happy and like nobody can stop me. I feel like I can concur the world and fulfill all of my dreams. But if I risk myself by entering and things go bad, reality is going to set in deeper and the hurt may be unbearable. I try to live by my motto of "Everything Happens For A Reason" so maybe I just go with the happiness and hope I can still believe in my motto.

Needs.

I need a job. I need confidence. I need motivation. I need courage. I need answers. I need to realize how to listen to my heart. I need to realize how to listen to my mind. I need to figure out my next step. I need to focus on college. I need to decide which way I'm heading; Criminal Justice or Law Enforcement? I need money. I need to live a less stressful life. I need to not worry. I need to not overreact. I need to learn how to not over think. I need to keep my feelings out of it. I need a sign. I need sleep. Good night.